Saturday, September 19, 2009

Calling the Type of Burn

Let this be the record that in this month of September 2009, I Gavin Swanson brought about the common use of calling the type of comical burn issued.


Server: "What's this from the landscapers? My Husband does the landscaping."
Mgr: "We have to pay someone to come in and clean up after him."
Me: "OOOOHHHHH, Gardener Burn!"

Server: "Hey will you hand me a monkey"
Mgr: "You have a monkey standing right next to you."
Me: "OOOOOHHHHH, Primate Burn!"

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Chico State Minibaja

Spent the weekend in the bay at the Grand Prix of San Jose. We got some good connections for sponsorships. More to come later. Check out the redesigned Minibaja website (updates coming soon).

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

pepto-bismol ice cream

Check out what this person put together. From the article:
food without danger is like sex with a condom: it goes in the same entrance, but the experience is altogether less thrilling, less memorable, indeed less satisfying.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Have I mentioned

I hate it when Myspace is down

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Another full day

So I rolled out of bed at 10:18 yesterday and still made it to Ray's before 10:30. Heck yes. Luke, Mike, Mike's roommate, and I went tubing on Honey Run yesterday. It's definitely more exciting than sac. I only tagged my back on a few rocks, no loss of the ass-ginity. Everyone has told me that you can't really drink on Honey Run, we proved them wrong. Pat also said it was too low, it was the first time I've done it so I can't say what it's in comparison to, but it wasn't "too" low. We were done by about 3. I wanted to get a haircut yesterday so when I swung by Ray's to return my tube, I looked over and saw that Wild Cuts was closed. I went by the house and hung out for a bit looking for someone to go to the summercross nationals with me. After not finding anyone I headed off to Redbluff at about 6:15ish. The Gates opened at 6 but I'm glad I didn't leave till then cause the event didn't get started till about 8 and I didn't really care about the autograph session and what not. After a couple heats I found the worlds funniest thing. Imagine 10 4-6 year olds. Now put on dirt riding gear and a helmet that is bigger than their torso (like Jack from Jack in the box style proportions). Now put them on a 50 (really realy tiny motorcycle). Then Have them racing around the moto cross track at like 5mph with their Dad's chasing after them making sure they don't fall over. It's one of those things you have to see but it's funny as hell. Most of the kids were on KTMs which have a pretty high center. I felt bad for this one kid on a yamaha, he high centered it on every little mound he tried to go over. So the California Extreme Summercross Nationals were supposed to feature Mike Metsker, and his air force freestyle team or some bullshit. Anyway so his team (3 guys) come out on bikes ready to ride. Then he comes out, in shorts and a T. He's like Your probably wondering why I'm not in gear, and everyone was like yeah we are. Apparently he got like 4 concussions in 5 weeks and he wants to rest his head a little for the x games coming up. So that was a disappointment. Anyway I had paid the two dollars for parking with a roll of quarters and gotten back the eight dollars cash which left me enough for a pint of hef and a slice of pizza with .75 left to spare, heck yes. I gave the extra ticket I had to some kid and his little girlfriend, saved em $17, and I didn't pay for it so fuck it. Got back into town and headed out to the bear where I met Wendy. Hung out with her, then Mike and then ended up hanging out with Rich and his girl the rest of the night. Rich is a cool guy. When I left the bars I ended up at Josh's. Hung out there for a while, had another beer. Came back to the house did a little net surfing and then off to bed.
I woke Up today (Saturday) at about 11:30 I think. Dicked around, researched CEV contract investments, made a couple pancakes, started eating them and then realized I wanted to get my haircut today. I called up Wild Cuts and found out they close at 2 (it was 1) so I jumped in the shower to blow the stink off and headed down there. The owner ended up cutting my hair (just a little trim), he hooked me up on it to. He said he'd come into Outback tonight, I hope he does I want to buy him a beer or something. I just remembered right now that I was going to do laundry today too, oh well at least I bought new socks so that's no problem.
I believe there's a kegger tonight at Josh's house ($5). Let me know if you want directions or whatever, should be a good time since I'm mostly broke.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

It's that time again

Ok so it's 5 in the morning and I just finished filling out one of those 100 questions about the people in your myspace top 8 things. There is only one question I was intentionally vague on and that's cause without a full explanation it's way creepy sounding. Anyway I watched Domino tonight, it's a good fuckin movie. I liked it.
So Tuesday blew I didn't get anything done except spend some money that I technically didn't have, but it's like giving money to the bad guys, they don't know it's not there till it's too late. Only this is different cause as long as it is there before they realize it wasn't there it's not a problem, capeesh. I did do some cruising in Lows looking for a framing square, combination square and some clamps. I found that the various squares are way less expensive than I had thought they would be so that's nice. The clamps are some money and that sucks but really how often in your life are you going to have to replace them their almost like an investment. I didn't buy anything there but I also looked at new faucets and shower heads, as well as lumber. Have I mentioned I like shopping. I still need to go to Home Depot to do a little price comparison jazz, and also cause Lows apparently doesn't carry the black pipe style clampy deals that I think I want. Went out again Tuesday cause it was apparently Dory's last night in town (I thought it had been Sunday or something, I was wrong), nothing too big like three beers spread over a couple bars and no shots or anything. After party plans fell through and I woke up this morning at like 10:45 just before my 11am alarm went off.
I'm like a friggin breakfast master or something. I scrambled four eggs made five strips of bacon and had one pancake, it would have been three pancakes if not for the idea that a cookie sheet on the burner does not a griddle make. So yeah I scarffed all that down in time to get to Devin's house by 1 for a nice little float down sac before work at 5. Work was slow and I was an owner mother fucker for the first three quarters of my first three tables but the first one left me some fatty tip for no reason. I don't get these people the more attitude you give them the more money they give you. Anyway that tip put me in a pretty good mood and my tips went to hell after that. Ok not to hell but not as good as that.
So I closed and came home. I wanted to have some people over since there's so much bear here now (partially due to the fallen through after party of the previous night). That didn't happen. So I did some dishes and made an ice cream and OJ shake (I through out my milk cause it was bad). Mostly a fun filled night of this kind of thing. Anyway it's 5:13 now. I'm really amazed at how much I can write for this thing, when I'm just sitting here letting my thoughts flow almost un-edited. I edited that part, I added the hyphen. The hyphen just looked nicer rather than splitting the word all hap hazardly like. I'm going to spell check this too. I'd hate for you to see it without a good spell chekin'. How is it that this whole thing took 13 min and this last couple sentences took like two, that's fucking crazy. Ok maybe I need to go to bed.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Wow there, goin' big

Dory was in town Thursday, and we went big. We had planned on going big Sunday so I was saving up for that, but no we had to go big Thursday too. Don't get me wrong it was awesome. Dory's a cool girl, she was in town for a friends bacheloret party (she lives in Florida). Her friend thought I was a stripper it was awesome. When we left La Salles (I still haven't figured out where we were planning on going from there, we just started walking), we ended up in the Washington Mutual parking lot where Wendy decided (I believe instigated by Wes) that we should wrestle. Strait up hardcore grappling wrestling, right in the middle of the parking lot. Awesome. We started out circling each other and any relatively coherent person would have been able to tell that something was about to go down. A cop rolled by, paused in front of the lot and looked at us, then drove off. What the hell, way to serve and protect Chico PD. Anyway we get into it and I've got her pinned on the ground when someone notices her tooth is bleeding a little, nothing big, like when you just smack your tooth a little too hard and it starts bleeding at the gums a little. So we get up. And she starts calling for the second round. So we go at it again, this time Wes has my arm pinned to the ground while Wendy is trying to wrestle the rest of me. I'm yelling at Wendy that Les has my arm and she knows it's not fare and all that and then her roommate comes through and breaks it up. LAME. So they leave and Les and I are stuck talking to some dude named Charley who is obviously "secretly" in love with Wendy, for like 30 min or something before I decide to call Cassie to come get Les and I. I love Cassie she's the greatest and always gives me rides when I need them, she rocks. We got to Cassie's house and jumped in the pool for a while before we all passed out watching supertroopers. I woke up Friday morning at about 7, half an hour before I had to be at my car to not get a ticket. So I rolled out and started walking. Apparently it only takes 25 min to get down town from Cassie's.
Nothing really went down Friday, went to work made some money came home hung out passed out, I might have watched a movie but I can't remember, and woke up sometime Saturday afternoon.
Saturday I started at 3:30 so I got off pretty early, that was kinda nice, and I made fat money, so that's always nice. Got off work hung out for a bit and called up Wendy. She was hanging out with a bunch of her friends at her house and then going to The Bear. So I met up with them and we went to the bear and hung out there for a while then back to her house for a few min and then home, not too eventful but I had fun so it was good.
Sunday, Oh Sunday. I got a call from Alaina at 7:04 in the morning, way too early, but for whatever reason I had already been awake for like half an hour. So she wanted to know if I wanted to go riding. The catch was that we had to be out there in an hour. Awesome, little shower picked up Alaina and we were there. Their Oldest daughter wanted to ride the horses from their Old house to their new one (about 6-7 miles away). It ended up her and her friend, their middle daughter, Alaina, and I. It was a fun ride, even though the oldest decided to help man me up by pelting me with almonds and walnuts. I discovered the I can actually reach the ground from the saddle, picking up a hunk of dirt for ammo. I never realized there was something manly about getting pelted in the face with a walnut.
Clarification: So I'm leaving out the families names, I'm going to develop a system to make this easier. Their the 'B' family, Daughters are oldest to youngest BG1-BG3, and the Boy is BB1, Mom and Dad are BM and BD respectfully.
Ok So the ride was good we ended up along the streets more than Alaina and I normally ride, we normally use more access roads and things. We got to their new place, which was beautiful by the way, BD built it and it's gorgeous. BM&D had made breakfast buritos for us, they had two plates one with sauce and one without. These people rock. The whole family is awesome. Their kids make me want to have kids, and anyone who knows me knows that I hate kids, so that's impressive. Their parents will do anything for them, and the kids don't wine to get it. They ask for something and then if their parents say no they accept it. But their parents only say no when they have a good reason or something I don't know exactly how this works but I want to figure it out cause it's cool. I think I got a lot out of the way my parents raise me, and I appreciate everything they have done but I was a pain in the ass, I wouldn't want to have been my parent.
Anyway so we hung out talking about horse stuff for a little while and then ended up taking the horses down to the creek that is next to their new house. I took red down into the creek and got him to swim a little, it was awesome. The first place we went had a drop off into the deep water that the horses didn't like so we found another place that didn't get as deep, only about to their chests. We got all the horses to go in and I ended up riding sunny bear back a little, so that the others could ride red a little. Red was the best about going in the water. Sunny had never done it before but he did a good job considering. I discovered waterproof boots turn into buckets when you wear them in the water.
We got done with riding at about two. Alaina and I went over to her mom's house and swam till about four and then I left to get ready for work. We got closing done pretty quickly and I had some awesome tables, that took care of me, so I made out alright. When I got off work I called Les and he was just heading over to the Maltese. I went home and changed and then headed out to start my night. A couple beers, and a $4 patron shot later and we were off to La Salles. A few beers a few rounds of Corey's, ons', and something else that someone bought for Corey but she didn't want to take (good but strong); and we were off to Cassie's house. I walked to 7-Eleven, and got two 12 packs of corona, which I proceeded to walk to Warner with. That's a long walk carrying 24 long necks. Anyway a little hanging there and then Jim took me home, Cassie took me to my car at about 2 and then I got ready for work. Last night was entirely non eventful, other than watching The School of Rock, good movie. Then I woke up at 3, that was nice. I have the day off and nothing to do so this is going to be interesting, probably not. I think I'm going to go look for someone to cover Friday for me so I can go to the summercross nationals.